Limitless in Reality

I remember so vividly watching the movie Limitless (Wikipedia) as kid. Not just because it had pixelated full-frontal. I reckon a teenage boy never forgets those, for some inexplicable reason.

The movie depicts (to my best recollection from ~10 years ago) the main character gaining the world by way of some mystery pills. The drugs work really well as far as I recall, with no real some serious side effects (alright I looked it up I misremembered lol).

Anyway, what seemed so alluring about the premise I think is having such an easy solution.

Us humans love the easy solution.

Take Wall-E: believable predicament humans would get themselves into. All too obese to get out of their floating La-Z-Boy chairs.

Obviously every easy path has downsides. Like, making every want and desire be delivered to you seamlessly. Or a pill that makes you super capable but has terrible withdrawals.

I think this is generally true.

But individuals are not generalities.

My First Trip

I tried weed for the first time in my mid-twenties.

I grew up Mormon and was frankly shielded from all drug culture. I don’t think I knew anyone personally that had smoked weed until my Mormon mission in Washington State. Lol. Lots of people smoked weed there. I imagine I was only aware of a small percentage.

I had a neighbor, and dear friend, show me the way. He also was a formerly active member of the church (of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints (I did it once, I’m trying)). I feel like having a guide made a big difference.

I think we made affogados, watched Emporer’s New Groove together with our partners, and then listened to some music that hits just right.

Honestly, I think each of those activities blew me away.

I don’t mean to overstate this, but when you have a good experience on marijuana, it can feel very transcendental. That evening opened my mind to altered states of consciousness.

Marijuana in Practice

I think various states in the U.S. legalizing marijuana has made experience with it much more prevalent. From my own experience, in the right circumstances I believe it can help you sort out some internal baggage. It’s a shame there aren’t more guidelines on how to use it well. Social morays.

Much like alcohol.

There are rules and expectations. You don’t drive hammered. You call a cab or Uber. Drinking alone is risky and kind of sad…? (Granted, this is a U.S. perspective from someone who does not drink regularly)

These loose guardrails are helpful! I think it’s a failure of a social system if you have to codify rules. The ‘unspoken’ social consequences of things can be powerful forces for self-guidance. But I digress.

I posit: My life and my dearest relationship with my wife has improved with intentional use of marijuana.

I may have made that progress regardless (I’d be surprised, but its possible), but I think the rate of improvement was dramatically boosted with this plant.

Using plants to help a relationship?? Preposterous!

Or maybe just

I don’t feel like using or relying on drugs is healthy.

I think there are layers and layers here that would need to be peeled away for some to see genuinely that its possible these things are true, for me and my life.

Maybe just a seed:

Addiction

noun

being abnormally tolerant to and dependent on something that is psychologically or physically habit-forming

With this definition, I believe its certainly possible to be addicted to weed. I also think there is a wide range of use that would not fall under this classification.

Liking Who I Am

I remember thinking “I really like who I am and how I treat others while under the influence”.

I think these substances can show us a side of ourselves we don’t normally show. Perhaps we are afraid to show. Or didn’t know existed (what a notion, a part of you hidden from yourself)!

I don’t think the goal is to escape to these sides through drug use. Instead, to incorporate.

Self Diagnosis: Anxious

I find myself self reflecting much more on cannabis. I turn my pattern-matching analytical brain inwards.

Sometimes it has gotten me panicked. I experienced it spiral. I start to convince myself I’m “losing it”. On reflection, I’ve realized that I have anxiety. It is the force that has unwittingly compelled me to be the people pleaser I described myself to be for years. I thought the pleasing was my choice. I thought it was intentional because I’m a good person, or because I’m just a nice guy. Those may be partially true, but I certainly get a racing heart anticipating social interactions. Anticipating what they might say, or what funny thing I can say to ease tensions and get them to like me. My face flushing when making jokes to my peers (thanks Zoom calls).

I never would have described myself as anxious, but I think the altered state that marijuana puts me in helped me see it clearly.

Sensations are accentuated. Time feels a bit slower. Its much easier to get absorbed into engaging things. My internal voice feels more intentional with its words, like its already written the first draft, instead of the usual ramble and point.

Limit-full

As I mentioned earlier, I wish there were better social norms. I wish it wasn’t stigmatized, not to mention its illegality in many U.S. states. I think that “Set and Setting” make a big difference. Essentially, intentional use. Obviously at first, you don’t know what you are doing. That is why it’s good to go with someone who does. But once you know yourself and, more importantly, yourself on these substances, you need to be prudent.

When you don’t overuse and abuse, (speaking from some experience) it makes each experience more potent and enjoyable.

If I may be so bold, I’d like to propose a few guidelines. For those that don’t have anyone, or would like to try to be more intentional with their use, join me! If you have any ideas, please shoot me an email: nate at this_domain.com. I’d be curious to get your thoughts to improve my experiences too!

Again, I don’t mean to encourage people to try drugs. I think that is each person’s own prerogative. But I do think there is a dearth of information and experience of others out there, and thought I’d share. Let me know your thoughts!